Self indulgence. Now and Then: Memoirs of a Sort.

 ........ I never felt more like singing the mid winter blues, June the 21st came and went.  We celebrated the fact that from now on the days would be getting longer.  They don't have to get warmer yet, although it would be nice, but a bit more sun is good for charging the batteries. The party was in full swing.  Guy Mitchell was singing the first 2 1/2 line of his song,  Well, I never felt more like singin' the blues 'Cause I never thought that I'd ever lose Your love dear and at precisely that moment we were plunged into pitch tar and coal black.  The usual star lit night was switched off.  On the shortest day the batteries ran out of enough power to even give us a flicker or charge the electric toothbrush. But it didn’t matter.  One of the reasons we’ve decided to live off grid is to, single handedly, put the brakes on climate change and have nothing to do with burning fossil fuels or adding to the tips of nuclear weapons with the by-product of...

I’ve been thinking of you as some of you plan to loll in the sun and head south to those lovely places where delicious olive oil originates from.  You’ll be basking in the warmth of the mediterranean blue skies as you dip your ciabatta or baguette into the oil, take a sip of white burgundy or a heavy rioja and think that life is starting to get ok again. Whilst you’ve been doing that I’ve been down the road at the our local olive grove, picking olives.  Only about 160 trees; it’s small and no wonder the stuff is so darned expensive.  We spent 2 days picking and still we didn’t pick them all, which is a shame. If you’ve ever wondered what those wide spaced combs are for in B & Q, as I did, well I can tell you.  With climate change B & Q are anticipating that olives are going to be the next mass crop in UK.  Strawberries are so passe.   These big wide spaced combs which in other places or circumstances would be ideal for combing one's dreads, if ...

   Now, come on folks, be honest, who wouldn't? You go to a party and some one, in the course of conversation, as you do, someone casually says "I'm getting two alpacas, a friend has got some to get rid of.  Do you want a couple".  Hands up.  Who wouldn't say "no"?  So we've now got 2 alpacas. Here they are, peering around and thinking in alpaca language, ‘where the ‘ell are we’? I'll tell you what though.  Whilst these new arrivals wondered where they were, the sheep all huddled together in a group, and simply stared at them, for a good long while.  Then bleated and beeaaaard at each other which loosely translated into “what the eff are those”, as one said to the other “have you ever seen a sheep with long legs and neck” only for the resident sheep geneticist to say in a learned baarr “they are congenital abnormalities” and they all agreed with the learned professor Lamb.  He knows as well as I do that if you say something with enough assert...